I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
