i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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