It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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