there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
