I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
