so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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