last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
