this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
