And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
