you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
