we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
