I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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