Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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