I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
40s are totally the cure
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
