Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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