and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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