the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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