I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Randomize
