you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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