1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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