Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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