That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
