i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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