I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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