get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize