If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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