I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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