i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
