Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize