Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
