the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i already hear my dad disowning me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
