wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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