I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize