I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
