Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
