My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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