walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
