ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
