I wanna bring you to show and tell
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We talked him into tasing himself.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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