Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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