Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
