I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
