you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize