Do you still have your period?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
