I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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