My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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