maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
