You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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