She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize