wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
