Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
