so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
