i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
