Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Green mimosas i think yes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
