the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
