On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
