During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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