Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
