she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
