bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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