we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
vagina is talking i cant
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
