I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
