Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
