I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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