Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize