Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
