I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
